Bullying

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by Sally Quinn
Tuesday, April 07, 2009

There was an article in the New York Times on Sunday about bullying. It seems that some schools are beginning to teach "empathy" lessons to their students. There is even an organization in Washington and 18 states called "The Character Education Partnership" which "require programs to foster core values such as empathy, respect, responsibility and integrity," according to the Times.

This comes not a moment too soon. They are singing my song. My son Quinn will be 27 this month and ever since he began nursery school he has been the object of bullying, even in the schools he attended for learning disabled kids. In fact, other learning disabled kids often can be even crueler than "normal" kids because they despise what they see of themselves in others like them.

When he was living at home, it was easier because he came home to a supportive and loving environment. But even then, as he entered his fist year of high school here, he felt left out when the "cool" kids went down to the Safeway to smoke and have lunch. He didn't smoke. One of the saddest things I have ever seen is showing up at Quinn's school for a meeting one day at lunch time and seeing him sitting outside alone on a rock, eating his sandwich by himself. I don't think there is a mother alive of a learning disabled child who hasn't walked into the cafeteria and seen her child alone at a table. It is the heartbreaker of all time.

It was then that Quinn decided he wanted to go away to boarding school. Somehow he thought it would be better there. Unfortunately it was worse. One thing they did do which was great was that every student was assigned a table for lunch and dinner with a teacher for six weeks at a time and then they would rotate. That way nobody ever was left out and alone during meals.

But it was an all boys school and out in the middle of nowhere. No girls around, classes on Saturday, and chapel on Sunday. One of the only outlets for all of that testosterone flying around was sports, which happily was required for two hours every afternoon. There was, however another outlet which Quinn writes about in his book. It was bullying. Quinn, and he was not the only one, would be hit and kicked and punched in the hall. He would get locked out of his room by his roommate who was an expert in karate. He was teased and called names. Once he was ganged up on by a bunch of boys and wrapped in a sheet and they threatened to throw him out of an upstairs window. On a school trip to San Francisco they ran away from him. He got lost and couldn't find his way back to the hotel. He would call me in tears, I would call the headmaster and basically be told that "boys will be boys." If, occasionally someone would be reprimanded for something especially egregious, the word would get out that Quinn was a sissy and a mama's boy. So even when he was calling me in desperation he would beg me not to tell the teachers for fear of what he knew would be the ugly reprisals.

I was wild. I sent him to a shrink. She kept saying to him, "there's nothing wrong with you. It's the people who are doing the bullying who are the ones who need help." That was fine but it didn't do much good.