Thanksgiving Dominoes

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by Castadiva13
Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Hello Friends of Quinn!

I am writing today about the dominoe affect and how it can magnify during the holiday season. Living with a disability is a constant struggle. We have to face our realities in new mediums on a daily basis. For me, one of the biggest problems I have is that I don't necessary have a lot of confidence in myself nor in my abilities. I have been told by almost everyone in my life that I can't do it, or that I'm not good enough. I have always prided myself on the fact that I fight to disprove that and shove it in their arrogant faces. However, the other day I was told that my internship would not be able to turn into a job for at least another year...that broke my spirits big time. I have put so much energy into trying to gain my independence and be free of this current dynamic. To make like Magellan and explore the world. However, everyday it feels less and less likely that it will ever happen. Then I went to my voice lesson, where I am constantly told what I am doing wrong. I know that I am told this because my mentor wants me to be the best and by nit-picking every detail I will eventually hit the right chord...so to speak...but after all this emotion I felt like I was such a loser. I lost my confidence and even though it was only the other day, I am having trouble getting my footing back. I am scared to try new things today, I feel as though I can only move one inch before the world tumbles down on my head. It's an overwhelming feeling, and it sucks that it comes right before Turkey Day. Anyone else out there feel like this? Maybe I place way to much pressure on myself to be the best, but it's all I have ever known and I'm scared that I am screwing it all up and that another dream (Opera) may be taken from me just like all the others I have had. I know this seems gloomy for a thanksgiving blog but if you can't talk about it to your piers and those who understand than who can ya?