The Caregiver's Corner: Seeing Yourself in Your Learning Disabled Child

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by Merely Me
Monday, February 01, 2010

• likeness between parent and child...
  hopeful...
  Monday, February 01, 2010 at 08:54 PM

  I actually love this subject, as I think that it really helps to focus on what is normal rather than what is abnormal. I think sometimes when we find or know that someone has some sort of a disorder or disability it is easy to focus on what we think is an 'abnormality'. But, really, children are very much like their parents in one way or another regardless of what they suffer with. Sometimes when my son behaves a certain way someone may ask, "Oh, is that a part of that disorder?"

  Many times, I answer with, "Perhaps, but actually, he is a lot like me." Or I will say his father, which ever is appropriate. Because, really he is very much like us. My husband has a problem with anxiety. No one notices it so much because he is very busy getting things done, so it just looks like he is busy. But, all of us in the family know, he is very anxious. Too busy to eat, he doesn't want to take the time to pack to go somewhere, he worries about being late for an appointment even if you leave an hour ahead of time. He looks efficient, but he is anxious and he knows it. However, not too many others know it. I am socially awkard when I first come into a situation. However, no one usually guesses it because I am often in social situations. But, I find reasons to excuse myself when I first arrive... going to the bathroom, getting a bit of fresh air, making a quick call home to check on things... I actually have a blue zillion little tricks up my sleeve until I feel comfortable.

  Recently, my son and I attended a wedding of some close friends of ours. Although I did not plan it this way, we arrived about 45 minutes early. Suddenly, we were in an awkard situation. I was kicking myself knowing that this was hard for him. But, I was not enjoying it either. However, I was gracious and offered to help out. My son came and asked me if he could go sit in the car... then he asked if we could just go for a ride. So, we did. While we were gone I told him that I, too, felt awkard. He was surprised and told me I did not act like I felt that way. I identified with him, explaining that I often felt that way in these kind of situations and had to work my way through it. This helped him to know he was not alone.

  It has also helped him for my husband to acknowledge that he has a problem with anxiety. If our children can look at us and realize that they are like us in many ways, then they will have courage to face their own difficulties. I also really like what you said in your last article about being up front with where your child is at. I think it helps us all to be up front with our shortcomings or difficulties. Really, when you get right down to it, every human being on planet earth has some sort of weakness that hinders them in some way or another.

   

  
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  re: likeness between parent and child...
  Merely Me
  Saturday, February 06, 2010 at 06:45 PM

  What a lovely comment Hopeful!

   

  Right...it is so much better to focus on our similarities than the differences.  I would have felt awkward too waiting for a social event.  We are very alike in our family...we all create messes...we are all on the introverted side...we all have our...quirks. 

   

  I want to thank you for reading and commenting on my posts.  It is really nice and I look forward to hearing more from you.  I feel like we are kindred spirits.

  
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