The Caregiver's Corner: Seeing Yourself in Your Learning Disabled Child

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by Merely Me
Monday, February 01, 2010

But during those lake times I let go of the expectations and the goals and I was simply...myself.  As much as Max cherished his aloneness, I did too.  My son and I were both inside our heads but physically together.  I find it a very special connection when you can feel comfortable being together but alone.  I cherish those memories of our silent camaraderie.  I understand my son's pull away from the world as I have always been that way myself.  I don't think one needs to have autism to empathize.

They say that the ability to "hyperfocus" is a part of disorders such as ADHD and autism.  Max has this hyperfocus for drawing.  He has been drawing every single day of his life since he was four years old.  Our home is never without paper, pencils, crayons, or paint.  Sometimes I have to remind Max to eat as he is so busy drawing that he loses track of time and space.  Max's talent for art did not come from me as I am still in the realm of stick figures with smiley faces.  But this super focus and passion for something one loves to do, I have found this for my writing.  There have been days I have neglected to return phone calls, get the mail, or even look at the clock because I am in the midst of writing.  I have spent countless hours searching for the exact right twist of a phrase or even a single word which fits so that my words sound "perfect" to me.  When I see Max attempting to draw a train engine or a church steeple just so, ripping half finished drawings from his pad, to send his "mistakes" spiraling to the floor, I understand.  That need to have things just right is a demon of perfectionism that I know all too well.  Both Max and I have been known to cry from our frustrated efforts of attempting to reach our seemingly impossible self made goals.  Again, this "autistic" trait seems more like something he inherited from me than from a textbook.

There are so many other traits that Max and I share that I could write a book about them.  The way he obsessively worries about things, his propensity for phobias and his tendency to make mischief are just a few of our commonalities.   I believe that we also share a certain deep felt sensitivity that some people have doubted a person with autism can possess.  I remember one of Max's therapists reading him the children's book, "Owl Babies" when he was a preschooler.  The book is about three owl babies who are surprised to find that their mother is suddenly gone.  She is going for a night hunt but they don't know that and begin to cry for their mother.  At this point in the book Max began to cry too.  He sympathized with those owl babies much to the surprise of his therapist.  Somehow it was a shock to her that someone with autism would openly show empathy.  I shed a few tears myself at the thought of my son crying over the owl babies.  I was happy the story had a happy ending with the mama owl's return.  Every time I cry over a sad movie I think about Max and those owl babies.