The Art of Letting Go: Teaching your Learning Disabled Child to Become More Independent

Related: Treatment, Management, More TagsParents, Children with Learning Disabilities, Related Conditions, Fewer Tags

by Merely Me
Monday, January 11, 2010

I remember a client I once had when I worked at a day program for adults with multiple disabilities. This young man had cerebral palsy as well as learning disabilities. He walked with steel crutches and got around just fine in my opinion. Yet his parents were very doubtful of his abilities and called each and every morning to the program to make sure their son got down the stairs and did not fall. And each morning I would report that he was just fine. We had an annual meeting where we discuss progress and goals with parents and caregivers. I remember one meeting where the mom's mouth hung open as I told her everything her grown child could do. She confessed, "He doesn't do those things at home!" And this is where I encouraged them to give him a little more independence. I could visibly see the resistance in their eyes as I said this. The mom then recounted a story of how one evening she heard a sound downstairs in her house. She went down to find her son making cheese and crackers. The way she said it, "There he was making cheese and crackers!" made me realize that they had no clue about what their son was capable of and also that any demonstration of independence was considered frightening. Thankfully her son was eager to embrace independence and was not in a state of learned helplessness as might be predicted.

Years later I was a mom with my own special needs child. I remember the time, many years ago, when my son poured his own juice for the first time. He did it without telling me and I saw the mess of spilled juice all over the counter and floor. I admit that I was angry about the mess but also astonished that he could do this. He rarely had taken the initiative to do something for himself and so this small step was the beginning of his journey towards independence. I began to view every task in this way. Everything I would do for him, he would eventually have to learn to do for himself.

I am going to be talking more specifically in future posts of how to promote independence and self care for your children using a low risk methodology. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world. We want to be there to help support you along the way. Please feel free to chime in with your own stories and experiences. We always love to hear from you!