What My Special Needs Child Has Taught Me about Gratitude

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by Merely Me
Monday, November 23, 2009

T'is the season to think about all things we are thankful for.  I feel fortunate to say that I have much to be grateful about this year.  I have Multiple Sclerosis and just had my annual MRI to see if there is any progression to my disease.  Today I received a very early phone call from my neurologist's office to tell me that I have no new brain lesions and that my disease is not progressing right now.  I cannot tell you what a relief this is to hear and especially when it comes to raising my two boys. 

Along with my general good health I am also thankful for my family and especially my children. In particular my son Max has taught me many lessons about gratitude which I want to share with you today.  If you have been keeping up with reading my posts you will know that Max has multiple special needs including autism.  When you have a child who has special needs it can be easy to fixate upon all the things your child may not be able to do presently or how they lag behind other children.  You may worry about their future.  You may worry about yourself as to whether you are up for the challenge of raising a child who needs so much. 

But over time I have found that Max makes me appreciate his capabilities and achievements all the more because he has worked so hard to get there.

Some of the things that regular kids can do with ease can be very difficult for my Max.  Take language for example.  You see children talking all the time.  Sometimes children are even scolded for talking too much.  Max didn't talk in sentences until he was nearly five years old.  At one point I wondered if he would ever talk at all.  I would go to the supermarket and see tots in shopping carts chattering away to their parents and the mom or dad might even ignore them.  They had no clue how special this ability to communicate really is.  We painstakingly had to teach Max to talk step by step and working each day for years before he would utter a full sentence.  But even then he was not saying the one thing every parent wants to hear.  Max did not know how to call me by name. 

The first time Max called for me, "Mommy!" I just about fell to the floor.  He was over five years old and I had been waiting years for him to say my name.  I remember picking him up and hugging him until he struggled to get down.  He had no idea how happy one little word could make me.

Then there was the first time we went to a special Christmas event for special needs children and their families.  It is hosted at a local church each year and it was a little emotionally heavy for me to take him that first time.  It was right after my son's diagnosis and I was just beginning the process of acceptance.  When I saw all the children in wheelchairs lined up as well as the many children who were like Max waiting impatiently for Santa, my heart ached some.  I felt such gratitude for the people who were hosting this event so that kids like my Max could see Santa and there would be no stares or misunderstanding.   He could feel safe and accepted here. We were surrounded by love and support and I think Max felt that too.