What Is It Like for Your Adult Child to Live in a Group Home or Supervised Apartment?
by Merely Me
Monday, October 05, 2009
Quinn's Guide to Friendship, Dating and Self-Confidence
My son Max is now in his young teens and the thought has *briefly* crossed my mind that someday I may have to think about where he will live when he becomes an adult. My initial plan is that I just cannot ever die. But in good conscience I know that this is not a likely scenario so I am beginning to think about what the future may hold for my son. What is especially helpful is to talk to other parents who have gone through this. If your child has learning disabilities or special needs you may wonder how they will fare without you once they become an adult. Where will they live? How will they function?
While some adult children having special needs or disabilities will be able to live independently on their own, some will need assistance. So I have asked Friends of Quinn member, Judy, to talk to us about her experience of having her son, Nick, leave the nest to live in a supervised living arrangement and what this experience has been like for both her and her son.
I now introduce to you, Judy!
Judy, at what age did you first think about where Nick would live once he reached adulthood?
Actually, we didn't really want to think about it at all and I don't think we were giving it much thought until he was through with high school. We did get him on a waiting list for group homes, though, through our county.
What was that like for you, emotionally, to begin preparation for Nick to leave home?
It was very hard to think about him leaving, but I did have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I felt very protective of him because he seemed like he would always be a child, emotionally. On the other hand, I was getting tired of constantly having to deal with one thing or another concerning either school or the care he received from the social service agency, while working full-time. It's not that he was a lot of trouble, but he suffered from depression and I was the one taking him to any and all appointments that he had with any kind of professionals, including the county and dealing with Social Security, etc. My husband and I are his legal guardians, so there are some responsibilities attached to that.
What sort of living arrangements did you find for him? Was it easy or difficult to find?
At first, we were looking for a group home and talked with a couple of companies that staffed them. However, one of the social service staff people who was working with him told us about a woman he knew quite well who had bought up some apartments that had been crack houses and renovated them and all the residents were developmentally disabled. The requirement was that you had to work and be able to reasonably manage on your own, with the assistance of an agency. We checked it out, talked with potential roommates and then the residents there got to vote on whether or not Nick would be invited there. It took a couple of months, but we got him into an apartment where he had his own bedroom and shared the rest of it with another young man his age. For him, I think this was a better option than a group home because he is high functioning and doesn't need constant supervision, plus he would have more freedom. It was just like living in any other apartment. The woman who oversees the residences is there if people need her for something, but she is not legally responsible for them. However, she's arranged big vacation trips for the group a number of times and parents and siblings of the residents volunteer to help chaperone, as usually there are more than 20 who go. She is a phenomenal person, having done this for 25 years. I like to call her "Mother Teresa of Marshall Avenue."
Learning Disability Resources, Tips and Tools