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What Is It Like for Your Adult Child to Live in a Group Home or Supervised Apartment?

by Merely Me
Monday, October 05, 2009

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My son Max is now in his young teens and the thought has *briefly* crossed my mind that someday I may have to think about where he will live when he becomes an adult.  My initial plan is that I just cannot ever die.  But in good conscience I know that this is not a likely scenario so I a...

  • Living in the world
    kathleen Stimpfle
    Saturday, October 10, 2009 at 08:11 PM

    Thank you Judy for your story. This issue is very common - we are faced with the same uncertainty. My son is 23 and still lives with us - I have remodeled our house to take in borders so eventually he can own the house and share the expenses. I would like him to be able to move out but a group home does not seem a good fit. I belong to a support  group fro parents and we are constantly seeking ideas here in Washington state. 


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    re: Living in the world
    Merely Me
    Friday, October 23, 2009 at 09:59 PM

    Hey Kathleen!

     

    Thanks for joining our discussion.  I would love to hear what ideas your support group has talked about.  It is such a huge issue...and there are no easy answers.  My son is thirteen now and...I can't even think too far down the road about the future.  It does seem scary. 

     

    Please keep writing here...we want to hear your story! 


    reply
  • Untitled Comment
    111111
    Monday, October 19, 2009 at 05:11 PM

    So scary... I have terrifing nightmares of what will happen to my daughter (who is now 13 1/2 and on the Autistic Spectrum). Reality is much more frightening to me than any horror movie...

     

    I see how disabled people are taken advantage of. Especially the mentally fragile, the mentally retarded and then just discarded as if they weren't human, as if they didn't count.

     

    I am filled with sorrow...

     

    This experience has almost totally overcome me... And has certainly humbled me..

     

    Would you believe we actually thought she was gifted until she was diagnosed at age 5? My hopes have been dashed on the rocks..

     

    I do everything humanely possible...  Everything and anything to protect her. I look like the mild professor type, but when it comes to my daughter I am simply a wild animal if anyone trys to harm her. I love her passionately... But I've come to the conclusion that you can't really protect your children.

     

    Please excuse the outburst; where if not behind the dark shroud of the net can you show your pain and despair ...


    reply
    re: Untitled Comment
    Judy
    Tuesday, October 20, 2009 at 01:22 PM

    I hope you will come to be less terrified for your daughter, she may pick up on that and learn to be anxious just from your cues.  I never thought things would turn out as well for my son as they have, honestly, because I'm not that much of an optimist.  But, I was lucky enough to meet the right people at the right time and I really believe that God gives us those opportunities when we need them but we don't always recognize it.  I was very wary of him moving into his first apartment, felt like I was pushing a child out the door, but it has really been the best thing for him and has increased his self-esteem tremendously.  Yes, people aren't always so kind, but there are many that are.  It's not always easy, but you have to look for what's out there to help your daughter down the road, such as job development/training agencies.  My son went to a transition program when he was done with high school and they taught him some great job skills, got him several part-time jobs, provided a 5-week apartment living program for two summers and it was the best time of his life, school-wise.

     

    Don't worry about venting - that's what these sites are for!  Like you said, where else is it safe?  I wish you and your daughter the best and hope to hear from you again.


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    re: Untitled Comment
    Merely Me
    Friday, October 23, 2009 at 09:57 PM

    Hi there

     

    I just want to add to what Judy has said here...by saying I understand how hard this must be for you.  My son is thirteen and I have the same fears.  I want to protect him from any harm.  But like it or not they do grow up...are growing up.  They will be adults someday. 

     

    Wanted to say...your daughter probably is gifted in some ways.  Please don't lose hope or lose sight of her unique gifts. 

     

    I am glad that you have the chance to vent here and...tell us your fears.  Believe me...you are not alone in this. 

     

    One day at a time huh? 

     

    Thank you for writing and joining in this discussion. 


    reply
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