When Your Child with Special Needs is Depressed

Hi, Merely Me.  Thank you so much for sharing your experience with Max and depression.  When my son became depressed, it took a little while to figure it out, but his brother had also gone through it but symptoms were a little different.  I remember thinking, isn't it enough that we have to deal with a developmental disability and THEN depression, as well?  Well, no!

I think Nick's depression might have started when he became acutely aware that he had cognitive limitations that others did not.  He knew he had brain damage (we've never known what it was from) and he blamed me for a while because I had been smoking at the time, I am ashamed to admit - there were no warnings against doing it while pregnant back then.  Plus, I had even had a few drinks during that time.  Anyway, it was like he got angrier and angrier and then he started tightly buckling belts around his neck, usually being sure that I would see it.  We had a family psychiatrist then, believe it or not, so I took him in.  The doctor put him on a scale and we saw he had lost 25 pounds!  I knew he had been watching his weight, but hadn't realized how much he had lost.  So, I think Prozac might have been the first medication he was given and yes, it did help.  We also had him in therapy, although none of the therapists around at the time had much experience with developmental disabilities and with him being autistic, let's just say the time wasn't very productive.

I finally found a therapist for him a number of years ago who works mostly with people with developmental disabilities and he is a treasure!  He has helped Nick so much in dealing with rage issues, social issues, you name it.  Their therapy sessions usually take place at a local coffee shop, if it isn't too busy, because Nick loves his lattes.  If the coffee shop is too busy, they bring their coffee back to the office.  My son is still on medications, not just for depression but also for focus/attention (Ritalin).  He's on Wellbutrin and Abilify, the latter causing him to have a weight problem, but we've tried taking him off of it and the rage problem starts returning.  I'm not happy with the psychiatrist he has now, so am looking around for someone who is willing to try some other things instead of just having him come in every six months and asking him if he's seen any movies lately.

I have heard that depression in developmentally disabled children is more common than we think but it often gets masked by the disability.  When I realized that, I felt such sorrow that their suffering goes on unnecessarily long because we haven't known enough about it.  Hopefully, that is changing.

BIG Thanks to Judy and Merely me (author of the article) for addressing a really important issue, namely having both developmental cognitive disabilities and mental health disorders, often called "Dual Diagnosis". 

Wanting more independence (at all ages/stages )  ..... puberty...... self-realization/ acceptance of strengths and weaknesses ...... wondering where you fit in the world.....all these are terrible pressures.  It's bad enough when others call you dumb, but when a person really begins to comprehend his/herself how much more trouble learning they have, compared to their friends, it's frightening, crushing to self-esteem, and having to work twice as hard to get half as far is exhausting. 

I recall reading that approx. 30% of people with significant cognitive disabilities also develop psychiatric problems. I'd think it would be even higher in 'slow learners', people with borderline or mild intellectual disabilities, because with any invisible disability, outsiders' expectations are high, and thus continually experiencing 'failure' is common.

It gets even more complicated when parents/teachers CONSTANTLY have to discern when they 'just aren't trying' vs. when it's something they truly can't do. (Like all humans, there are times we just want to get out of some task, and find , or invent, an excuse.)

There was a great line in very powerful movie, "Whose Life is it Anyway", when a newly paralyzed artist has to convince a judge that he is mentally competent; he says:  Look at me... If I WASN'T depressed, they I would REALLY be crazy! (Richard Dreyfuss was robbed and should have won the Oscar!)

Trying to figure out what is 'normal' depression, and what is pathological / dangerous is never straightforward, and parents of those with a strong genetic predisposition (like 22q11DS) must fine-tune their antenna and be prepared to seek help quickly. There are many "First Episode of Psychosis" type clinics because earlier treatment many lead to better longterm outcome. 

I'm sure there are more parents who wish they'd sought help earlier, than those who wish they'd 'waited longer to see' in case it turned out to be a passing phase. 

A complex issue which I hope will be discussed more.